Caught in Suspension

Caught in Suspension

Twilight

Wolfgirl1335

Summary: Jacob and Renesmee ride the train together every Monday morning. By a funny accident, they start talking. Jake works up his nerve to ask her out on a date. At first, she said no. Then she says yes! You could say they are caught in suspension.

Whoa. Freeze. What in the world? I’m going to be brutal on you for a minute, wolfgirl1335. I know for a FACT that you could have produced a much better opening paragraph than that. It was jumpy and blocky and it didn’t flow nicely at all. The next paragraph is MUCH better. I don’t know what the heck happened! Good job redeeming yourself though.

GINGER POWER! I really needed to throw that in there. Everyone knows red-heards are awesome! I love that Jake’s being sappy again but still joking and being a complete dork. That’s what I love about YOUR Jake. He’s totally dorky yet totally loveable (IMO).

First, Edward’s in advertising. Second, who DIDN’T think Nessie would be a daddy’s girl? I knew the second Bella said she was pregnant that after the whole shock of it and Edward being a little bit crazy he would totally be wrapped around that kid’s finger.

BAM! Okay, we already knew from the summary that Renesmee was going to say no to Jacob, but it doesn’t sting any less. I think it’s a very interesting way to go, however, seeing as the other two fics I’ve reviewed of yours Jake’s gotten the girl right away.

Alright, I’ll be honest here. I would have LOVED to see a little more emotion in the dialogue where Renesmee is explaining why she won’t go out with Jake and perhaps not seen the promise she made to eventually go out with him. I think leaving him hanging like that would have been awesome. Just an explanation, some nervousness and hesitation and then BAM out of the blue she asks if he wants to have lunch or something. That, of course, is me being picky.

Change of P.O.V.

Oh Nessie, of course Jake isn’t a dirt bag. He’s Jacob Black. Not just ANY Jacob Black…but wolfgirl1335’s Jacob Black. The most gentlemanish gentleman of all. Of course now I’m feeling hopeless because I don’t know ANYTHING about cars and I will never land a Jacob Black.

Okay, so Jacob is 25 or older. How old is Nessie technically? Assuming we’re outside of canon where she would be considerably younger (17 years?) than Jake, she could easily be 25+ like him.

*cough*TaylorSwiftLyrics*cough* Yeah. I see what you did there.

Renesmee is at least 21.

Alright, Jake and Nessie history lesson. First, Nessie’s a nanny. Jake has longer relationships than Renesmee. Either Jasper and Alice or Rosalie and Emmet moved to Seattle. Edward and I’m assuming Bella have been married for 20 years which means that they had Renesmee before they got married.

Jake is too funny at the bar. Sorry, but he really is.

The one thing I hate about dates is the awkwardness. It’s awkward trying to get to know somebody, it’s awkward when they insist on being a gentleman and refuse your money. It’s awkward when the date is over and you don’t know whether to kiss them or just get inside as quickly as possible. I really hate dates.

Classy, Jake. Text message?

Renesmee is so quick to jump in bed with Jake. It always amuses me. No hesitation at all.

Okay, I can’t comment too much on the sex scene (for the most part, I’m terrible at reviewing them). But the last line was PERFECT. Amazing.

Rating 3/5